I researched a sample of different parents to determine if they have favourites, what makes a child favourite and why there are favourites.
I found out that "not having a favourite is almost impossible”- following the various responses I got from different parents. Some parents strongly averred that they can't help not having a 'favourite' among their children.
Majority of the parents did not deny this fact that there is always a soft spot, a special space in the heart reserved for one or two among all and this is inevitable.
Some rightly pointed out that God and his Son, Jesus Christ, also had favourites following the biblical account. "The Disciple Jesus Loved so much", "David the man after my heart", "Jacob I love, Esau I hate" were easily referred to in the bible to buttress this position. The biblical accounts on favouritism are true no doubt.
But we must know and understand that "God is not Man and can never be Man. And His ways are not the ways of Men and can never be." Thus, comparing God to Man holds no content.
Who then is a favourite?
A Favourite in a nutshell means: A child with special favour or preference over all others. Favourite also connotes, best loved, most loved, dearest, favoured, special, closest to one's heart etc.
It is the seamless love and the endearing preference a parent places on a child above all others.
The fundamental question is, what qualifies a child to be a favourite? What makes a child to attain that status of being a favourite of his or her parent? And it's implications in a home?
Different things and reasons both negative and positive makes one a favourite. And these are rooted in the emotions and feelings of the parent.
Character and behaviours is usually the standard yardstick in determining who becomes a favourite and this has emotional base.
For instance;
Children who are either intelligent, brilliant, smart, outspoken, calm, dogged, diligent, industrious, handy, truthful, supportive, honest, cooperative, gossip, or ruthless etc. are usually the ones that are most likely to become favourites.
A parent can love a child above all others for one reason or the other. Some parents choose their favourite based on trivial reasons while some love one more than the others because "they see themselves in such a child" or "the child reminds them of their childhood."
As a parent your love should be undivided. It is your responsibility to Love and favour all your children in truth and justice. Be emotionally intelligent when dealing with each of your children. You must know that "Equality is part of conscientious parenting."
If you have a favourite, please harbour it in your heart, try your best not to make it too obvious. Be discreet about it, don’t make it so glaring nor show it to the faces of the other children. If you do then, you're creating a problem with this already, don't think your other children won't notice how you treat the " favourite".
This "my favourite love" could be dangerous if unchecked. Apply wisdom and be diplomatic about it.
Some parents make their love for their favourite too obvious. In some instances, when it's time for house chores the "favourite" gets the easiest. Sometimes he or she does nothing as against other children who will work out all the house chores and run errands endlessly at home. Most often, parents are tempted to compare Child B with hardworking or brilliant favorite child A. This type of comparison is bad and menacing to both the “favorite” and the parent.
Here is the truth; In as much as you will want to express your love for your favourite, it's advisable to first check the potential implications of that little expressions of yours.
The outlined dangers of having a favourite among your children will be shared in my next blog post stay connected.
Is there more things you think we should know about having a favourite among our children? Please share in the commentary section.
Cheers.
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